


Hallucination

by Curtez



Category: Doctor Who
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-22 02:57:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1573547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curtez/pseuds/Curtez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor has his feelings played with when he meets the Dream Lord once again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"RUN!" The Doctor shouted, and grabbed Anne's hand. They left the control room the second the engine exploded, and the impact threw them on the floor. He quickly got up and helped her stand, but the moment she took the first step her face twitched in pain and she fell on her knees.

"My legs" She said, almost crying. "I can't walk." Her brown hair was falling on her watery eyes and her doll-like face was covered in black dust. Anne was only eight years old, an orphan victim of an omegahnian invasion over a human colony on the fortieth second century. In a matter of hours she lost her home and everyone she ever knew - the Doctor was quite determined to stay with her at all costs.

"Well, I'm not leaving you!" he said, as he picked her up and carried her out on his arms. He pressed the button to open the door to the next aisle and closed it behind him just in time to see a whole part of the omegahnian spaceship disintegrate.

"Don't worry, I got you." The Doctor whispered, and started running towards the TARDIS. It was only a few feet away, but suddenly he felt an excruciating pain, an electric charge running through his spine, and he fell, Anne still on his arms. His vision was blurred and he couldn't move. He just lied there, powerless, and saw a pair of big white claws drag Anne away as she screamed for help. As she screamed for him. So his eyes closed.

He woke up tied to a chair, on a white room with no windows and no apparent doors. His head was dizzy and for a moment he couldn't remember what had happened. Then Anne's scream echoed inside his mind. "No" he mumbled. "Let me out! Anyone!" he screamed, struggling to get out of the chains. If only he could reach the sonic screwdriver…

"Perhaps I can help." Said a familiar voice coming from behind him. "Who's there?" The Doctor asked, trying to look back. Suddenly a short old man wearing a red bow tie materialized in front of him, with a smile on his face. "Missed me?" he asked. Standing right in front of The Doctor was a dark apparition from his past, the so called Dream Lord, who was actually nothing but a psychic manifestation of the darkest parts of his mind.

"You. But how? I got rid of all the psychic pollen that day!"

"Yes you did. This has nothing to do with it. My guess is that the omegahnians want you alive for some reason, so they decided to drug you and now you are hallucinating." The Dream Lord disappeared and reappeared next to The Doctor. "Your guess? Oh wait; it's the same of mine, because you are me. It seems that you have thought a lot about our last encounter, and it only took a few drugs for you to realize it."

"If you are only in my head, I can make you go away."

"Oh, but did you forget? The omegahnians are well-known for their hallucination potion. They make their prisoners go mad until they can get any information from those who survive the process. Although I thought that a time lord with such an old, powerful mind wouldn't be affected by it. Perhaps it was because of that little girl. The simplest deaths always affect you, don't they?"

"Shut up." The Doctor snarled, sweat running down his face. "Don't you dear saying a word about her."

"You should be used to this kind of situations by now. She wasn't the first to die on your hands, Doctor." The Dream Lord said, now sitting on the floor, leaning his back on the wall. "No, she was just one more in a crowd. You never forget their names, their faces. You couldn't; they still haunt you in your sleep. And there'll be more. You know there will. That's why you left your precious Amelia Pond on Earth with her beloved Rory. Keeping yourself away from her, just because you are afraid she'll be next."

"Stop."

"I still remember the look on your face when she told you she would rather be with him. That brief moment after you told her it was okay, those few seconds when you were alone and she had already got in the van. Ooh, I swear I could hear your both hearts breaking."

"Just stop." The Doctor begged, as he began to feel a lack of oxygen. Maybe the room was running out of air? Possibly, there were no visible gaps on the walls or on the ceiling.

"Just admit it already!" the Dream Lord continued, amused. "You love her. You love her with all your soul and you can't ever tell her. Both the girl and the boyfriend with the big nose. You make friends too fast, you get attached too easily. You really never thought there'd be consequences? You know, I really approve this form of torture. The hallucination, I mean. It's really efficient. If you were an ordinary human, you would be begging for the omegahnians to interrogate you by now."

"But I'm not human. And this potion isn't strong enough to drive me mad."

The Dream Lord laughed, loud and cruel. "Are you really that blind, Doctor?" He materialized closer to The Doctor, and whispered: "You are already mad."

A second later, The Dream Lord was gone and The Doctor realized he wasn't tied to the chair. He never had been. He got his sonic screwdriver and aimed at the walls, one by one, until he found the hidden door. An alarm set off and he ran to the TARDIS, that wasn't far from there. He ran through white cold hallways that looked all the same, feeling so weak he was afraid of passing out any moment. He started hearing heavy steps coming closer and closer to him. But then he finally saw the TARDIS, and walked into it before any guard could catch him. He closed the door behind him and his knees weakened. He passed out right there, and dreamed of the faces of the ones that had died on his hands.

 

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The Doctor woke up with his face pressed against the TARDIS's cold floor. When he got up, a dreadful headache made him fall on his knees again. His back was still aching from the electrical charge, and it took him a while to get back on his feet. "Anne." he muttered to himself. "I have to go back. Maybe they didn't kill her, maybe she is just locked up, maybe they wanted her for something." He looked at his watch. It had only been a couple of hours since he had last seen her. It felt like days. "She could still be alive."

"Do you really think so?"

The Doctor turned around to face the Dream Lord leaned against the TARDIS door. "How are you still here? The drug's effects should have worn out by now."

"Perhaps it works different on time lords. Or maybe the effects are permanent if the victim was already mentally ill _before_ the process."

"I don't have time for this. I have to go get Anne." The Doctor said, and pushed the Dream Lord away. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. He pushed again and again, but it was like trying to open a solid wall. "You couldn't have possibly done this. You are just in my head."

"So were the chains. But that didn't keep them from tying you to a chair."

"I could be dreaming. That's it. I was dreaming back at that cell, then I woke up and you and the chains disappeared. There must be some sort of narcotic or something on the omegahnian's hallucination potion. So if I wake up, you go away and I can go save Anne." he wondered aloud, walking in circles.

"Waking up might not be that easy. Remember that one time you had to kill yourself _twice_?"

"But when I was at the cell I didn't have to do anything. I just... woke up."

"That doesn't mean you can control when. Let's say that the effects come and go. Now going back to your previous concern, what exactly makes you think that the little girl is alive?"

He didn't know what to answer. The omegahnians were a race of blood thirsty barbarians. They would only spare a life if they thought that it would lead to more people to kill. A child would never be of use for them, specially an orphan. Anne was dead.

"Finally. I thought it would take forever for you to give up that useless hope." the Dream Lord said, reading The Doctor's thoughts. "Now, let's talk more about your ginger friend, shall we? Actually, why don't you talk to her instead?" He smiled and vanished, leaving The Doctor alone in the TARDIS. Or so he thought. He waited a few minutes, turning around and expecting something to change around him, but nothing happened.

"What kind of sick joke is this?!" he shouted at nothing.

"Doctor?" said a feminine voice with a particular accent that he hadn't heard for a long time now. He slowly turned around and saw her sitting on the TARDIS console, wearing a red sweatshirt and black skirt. "Are you talking to yourself again?"

He could barely breathe. It was a dream, he knew it was, but she seemed so real.

"Why are you staring at me?" Amy asked, jumping to the ground. "Seriously, right now you look more stupid than Stupid Face."

"Hey!" another voice protested, and suddenly Rory was there too. "Oh, shut up, you know I love you." she said, putting her arm around him and kissing him in the cheek.

"Pond." He muttered, his voice failing. The Doctor's eyes were almost overflowing as he slowly walked towards them. They were talking and laughing just like in the old days, and as he got closer, they looked more and more real. But when he reached to hold Amy's hand, they vanished. He froze there for a second, his hand still looking for hers, grasping nothing but air.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor ran to the TARDIS console. He had to get out of there, he had to see someone real, but where could he go? "Come on, think. Where, where, where..." Suddenly he remembered a place. Of course. He walked around the console and set the coordinates to Stormcage Containment Facility, 52nd century. He waited impatiently for the TARDIS to land, and rushed to the door, now unlocked. He ran through the prison's hallways, looking for her cell, but ended up bumping into her instead.

"Oh, hello sweetie." River said, taking her sunglasses off. "Don't mind me, just escaping prison for a little while. Tuesdays are meatloaf nights. No thank you." She was smiling, but The Doctor wasn't.  
"Is it really you? Please tell me it's you." he said, touching her cheeks, her nose, her hair. She held his hands and stepped closer. "Of course it's me, who else would it be?" He looked into her eyes, doubtful. She was real. Not even the strongest hallucination could fake those deep green eyes, or that sarcastic yet concerned look she was giving him.

He broke down in relief, and hugged her tight. "Oh thank god."

"Are you alright? You're acting stranger than normal." she asked as she hugged him back.

"I'm fine. Now I'm fine." He pushed her away to look at her again, and she smiled at him. But her face began to melt, slow and gruesomely, and every inch of her skin slipped trough his fingers until The Doctor was holding River's skeleton. He screamed and stepped back, but she was already back to normal.  
"Doctor, what's wrong? You are starting to scare me."

"How about that." The Dream Lord said, now standing next to The Doctor. "It looks like you don't have to be asleep to have hallucinations. That makes things even more interesting." he smiled, and faded away.

"Doctor? What are you looking at?"

"River. Do you you anything about the omegahnian's delusion potion?"

"...Oh, no you didn't."

"Oh yes I did."

"Why on Earth were you anywhere near an omegahnian troop in the first place?"

"You know, trying to save lives, failing, being tremendously useless for a change, not the point. Do you know how to cure it? Please tell me future me told past you how to cure it."

"Actually, you left me a note in my cell not long ago. It said 'hit him really hard on the head'."

He widened his eyes, rubbing his hands together, like he usually does when he's nervous. "Really?"

"No, you idiot. But you did leave me a note, along with this bottle" she said, going through her purse. She took out a small flask with a red liquid inside. "The note said 'the taste is horrible. You're going to have to shove it down my throat. Don't let me spill it. Believe me, I'll try. It will make me pass out, but don't worry, I'll be fine. You'll know when'. I didn't think I would need it so soon, but I suppose it's now."

The Doctor nodded.

"Open up, sweetie. This is not going to be pleasant."

"Alright, but we should get inside the TARDIS before a guard comes." The Doctor said, taking River by the hand.

"I wouldn't worry about that."

"River... What did you do?"

"Oh, relax. They're alive. Ish."

The Doctor gave her a distrustful look then walked into the TARDIS, closing the door behind her.

"So!" he shouted out the same moment he clapped his hands once, walking nervously around the console, as he began to talk really fast. "The note said the taste is horrible, I bet it tastes like beans. Beans are evil. Should I sit down? I think you should tie me up to a chair, the note said you would have to shove it down my throat. But don't tie me up with hypothetical imaginary chains, we should do it with actual chains. But how bad can it be? I mean, look at the size of that bottle. I've faced slightly more dangerous enemies than that. You hear that bottle? You don't scare m..."

He stopped in the middle of the sentence, as everything suddenly went black. He spun a couple of times, and waved his hand at the place where the TARDIS console was previously located. Nothing. He could see himself perfectly, but everything else was gone, as if it had ceased to exist. "River?!" he called. "I'm hallucinating again! I'm not sure if you can hear me, but it's not safe for you to be in the same room as me right now. So I think you should make me drink the potion now or get out of here, as fast as you can. My mind could make me see you as anything."

No answer. All at once everything turned white, and he covered his eyes with his hand until his view got used to the light. When he opened his eyes again, the Dream Lord was standing a few feet away from him. This time The Doctor smiled. "There's nothing else you can do, you know. All I have to do is stay still until River makes me drink the potion, and all of this will be gone. You've lost."

"Don't underestimate me, Doctor." He said, and then faded away. A second later, he heard a scream. He turned around and saw a twelve feet tall snake with big yellow eyes, hissing loudly at River as it slowly strangled her right in front of him. She struggled to break free, but she was running out of air. She cried for help, called his name with her last breath. He could help her. He could set the sonic screwdriver to a frequency that would knock the snake out, and River would live. But that same frequency could also damage the TARDIS, the place where he was actually standing on. And that is just what the Dream Lord wanted. A distraction that would keep the real River from making him drink the antidote, maybe for enough time to trap The Doctor in a never ending hallucination.

So he just stood there, unable to look away, and watched the love of his life die in front of his eyes, as his hearts filled with anguish. After she stopped struggling, her big expressive eyes were showing no emotion and her face was frozen in a last attempt to breathe. She gradually turned into a pile of dust along with the snake, and they were taken by the wind.

The Doctor was hoping that River had knocked him down and was already tying him to a chair, because he wasn't sure he would survive something like that for a second time.


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor was still in the white void, but he could feel a pressure on his arms and on his chest. He woke up and saw River tying him up to a chair (with actual chains), and he was glad that the whole thing was almost over. He felt so relieved to see her again, well and breathing, after coldly watching her die in his mind.

"There you go, sweetie." She said, finishing to tie him up and straightening his bow tie.

"Thanks, love." He whispered. "What would I do without you?"

Her face was very close to his, and when she looked up from his bow tie to meet his eyes, he leaned in to kiss her. After a moment, he heard the buzzing of his own screwdriver, followed by a metallic sound. He looked down and saw the chains on the floor. He roughly stood up, pushing the chair and making it fall, without any control of his body. River had stepped back and was looking at him, almost scared.

"River." He managed to say, his voice failing. "Run."

He began to walk towards her, his arms stretched, his hands aiming for her neck. She ran to her bag and got the antidote. He wanted to tell her to stop, to run away, but he couldn't speak. If he ever caused River any harm, he would never forgive himself, just like he would never forget what happened in The Library; he had already caused her enough pain.

She was opening the bottle when he reached her, and clasped his hands on her neck. He watched as she tried hopelessly to break free. How was he even doing that? River was definitely stronger than him. He was doing that. He was hurting her. He was trying to kill her. He tried to speak again, in vain. She was running out of strength, just like in his vision, except this time it was real.

"No." He thought. "No!" He gathered all his strength until it felt like every inch of his body was bursting into flames. He managed to let her go, and she fell on the floor, coughing. He had taken back some control of his arms, but not for long. He tried to think what to do, and could only come up with one solution. "I know it's stupid, but please please work." he wondered aloud. So he punched himself and blacked out.

 

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The Doctor woke up in a field of red grass, that had a remotely familiar smell. His head ached like hell, but he was starting to get used to it. He sat down and looked around, already expecting what he saw.

Gallifrey. Sitting there, he had a perfect view of the glass dome that enclosed a majestic citadel. He'd had many dreams about that place, but none of them had ever felt as real as it did that moment. He just sat there for a moment, the breeze smooth in his face. Something was wrong. It was all too calm, too peaceful. Besides the headache and a strong feeling of nostalgia, he was fine. He was just waiting for some terrible thing to happen, but it felt like he had been there for hours, with nothing but the wind.

Suddenly, The Dream Lord appeared next to him, but The Doctor didn't turn around to face him.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" The Dream Lord asked.

"Why are we here? I thought your purpose was to torture me."

"Oh, we are getting there."

"Aren't you worried you're going to run out of time? River must be giving me the antidote by now. Maybe she already did."

"I don't think so. You've been here for... Twenty three seconds." The Dream Lord said, after checking his watch. "I know, it feels like hours. But guess what? Your precious little River is still getting back on her feet, and I can turn the few minutes she'll take to give you the antidote into days in your head. Which gives me all the time I want to turn you into a mindless corpse. You know, it's just more enjoyable when we take our time and don't rush into things."

"I could break free of this dream, just like I did when you were trying to make me strangle my wife." he snarled, a hatred look stamped on his face.

"Don't get so hopeful. It is much easier to control you when you are asleep. Now, let's begin the fun part, shall we?"

The Dream Lord disappeared, and The Doctor heard a scream. It came from the dome. "Don't go." He told himself. "Just... Stay here." But he heard the scream again, and this time he recognized the voice. It had been so long since he had last heard it. After the third time, he couldn't stop himself and ran down the red hill until he had reached the glass wall, separating him from his first love, his long gone wife from Gallifrey. Tears streamed down her face as she punched the glass, trying to break free. Behind her, the whole city was on fire, and the flames were getting closer and closer to her. The transparent wall seemed so fragile from afar, but all the chaos inside of it wasn't even close to being enough to break it, to let her come to the red peaceful meadows he was standing on. The Doctor pressed his hands against the glass, devastated, when a building fell apart and crushed her right in from of him.

He felt like someone had punched a whole through his chest and sucked the air out of his lungs. The Dream Lord appeared next to him, smiling. "One loss gone, a billion to go."


	4. Chapter 4

"You've seen the wife, now how about the children?" The Dream Lord asked, amused, as the whole scenario around them shifted into a black void. The Doctor thought he was alone, but he heard light footsteps coming from behind him. He turned around and gasped. His daughter was a few feet away from him, holding his younger son's hand. Their eyes were blurry and fogged, as if they were blind.

"Dad?" She asked, with a weak voice. "Dad, is that you?"

He just stood there for a moment, voiceless, until he finally managed to mumble, his eyes filling themselves with tears: "Yes, sweetheart... It-It's me."

"Why did you leave us?" She cried, with a frown. The younger one was sniffling and looking down, his hand firmly holding onto his sister's. The Doctor thought he couldn't do it. He considered begging for The Dream Lord to just kill him, but he knew that would only make the torture more amusing to him. He began to remember all the things he'd never forgotten, everything he'd left behind and sacrificed for the so believed greater good, but at what cost? Who the hell was him to play god at such scale, to decide the fate of people whose hearts were light as a cloud whilst his own was weighed down by his very sins?

"I'm sorry..." He said, the tears finally overflowing and running down his face. "I'm so sorry..." He slowly reached out to grab her hand, but she turned into stone. His children were both statues, looking at him in pain. Their faces began to crack, and they suddenly broke down into a pile of dust and rocks. The Doctor fell on his knees, devastated and defeated.

The Dream Lord appeared next to him, his hands on his back. "What a shame... They would've looked lovely in my garden."

The Doctor bellowed in anger, stood up and tried to attack him, but in vain. He was already gone. He fell back to his knees, sitting on his ankles, covered his face with his hands and cried out loud, with no one there to hear.

After what could be days just as much as seconds, The Dream Lord appeared again and looked at The Doctor with a slight disbelief.

"Have I broken you already, Doctor?"

But he didn't answer. He just kept looking at the black floor with a blank expression, sitting on his ankles.

"Well, that's disappointing. I had a whole show prepared for you." He said, materializing a chair and sitting on it. "I thought that a strong mind such as yours would take a bit longer to be disrupted. You could be faking it just to make me stop, but I'm inside your head, I would know if you were pretending. No, this is for real. The Doctor has given up." He stopped for a moment, smiling as if he was proud of himself. "Anyway, that doesn't mean we have to stop the tour! Show must go on, right?" He said, standing up.

The pile of rocks on the ground began to multiply and join together, growing taller and taller. Soon they'd turned into two weeping angels, that picked The Doctor up and threw him in the chair. The wood fused with his hands and feet, and he raised his head to look at the statues.

"Never thought I would ever see one of those move." The Doctor said, hoarse and weak.

"Oh, so you can still talk, then. Don't worry, we'll change that in no time. Now, who do you want to see first? How about your other kid? The one who died saving you. Jenny. That one didn't stick around for long, huh?" The Dream Lord laughed, preparing to change the scenario.

"If I kill myself in the dream I might wake up, right?" He asked, staring at the void.

"That or your mind might die out and you'll never wake up again. But it doesn't really matter, it's not like I'm going to give you the chance to try."

"Yes you are, because you are me. You're merely in my head. And you don't admit it, but the drugs are fading away. The effects are finally running out, I can feel it. So all I have to do is make you go away."

"You can't." He smiled.

The Doctor focused on the chair, and the bonds that trapped his hands and feet faded. He slowly stood up, still sore and aching. He straightened his posture, cracked his neck and fixed his bow tie.

"Watch me."


	5. Chapter 5

The weeping angels flew at him incredibly fast, but The Doctor raised his hand and they melted into tar. The Dream Lord began to back away, defensive. He materialized a fifty feet tall brick wall between them, but The Doctor simply walked trough it as if it was made of foam. He slowly walked towards The Dream Lord, and when he was just a few feet away, the whole place burst into flames and screams, leaving only a circle of cold floor around the two of them. The Doctor looked around and saw everyone he had ever met - thousands, millions of humans and aliens screaming in pain as their flesh burned. He turned back to face The Dream Lord, but he wasn't there anymore. In his place was little Amelia Pond on her sleepwear and her red coat.

"Does it hurt?" She asked, on her cute Scottish accent. "Being alive when most of the people you care about isn't?"

The Doctor was frozen, staring at her with grief. Her face was peaceful, and with the fire and the screams around her, she looked like an angel that had come down to hell.

"You are aware that everyone you know who is still alive will eventually grow old and die, and you'll still be breathing. The Ageless God, The Oncoming Storm. Fated to loose all of those he holds dear. Even his precious Amelia Pond."

She started walking backwards, getting closer to the flames, until she stepped out of the circle and vaporized into black smoke. The Doctor would've cried if he had any tears left, but he felt empty. He closed his eyes and wished that the screaming would stop, and it did. He opened his eyes and found himself in the black void again. Just then he realized how exhausted he really was. Everything he had just done had taken a lot from him. He could barely stand, and he felt like he could black out any moment. Was that even possible to happen in a dream?

But his best chance to wake up again was for him to kill himself, not pass out. He was over a thousand years old and had never asked himself how he would like to die if he had a chance to choose. But it didn't take long before he thought of a place - a peaceful random forest with a deep pond in the center of a glade. And that's what the void turned into. Unlike the hell fire he'd just been exposed to, the sunlight was comfortably warm in his skin, and he could hear the birds and the leafs dancing to the wind. He slowly walked towards the edge of the pond, turned his back to it and let himself fall into the water, without thinking twice. He kept sinking and sinking as he looked at the sunlight breaking trough the surface of the pond. He closed his eyes, ready to die, yet hoping he would wake up on River's arms.

 

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The Doctor thought that, after so much pain, at least his death would be peaceful.

Well, no.

A second after he had closed his eyes, he opened them wide again when his throat seemed to burst into flames as if he had swallowed a ball of fire. He couldn't help but to scream in pain, letting go of the last trace of air he had left. He tried to swallow some water from the pond, but nothing seemed to diminish the suffering. His mind went crazy from the pain, and the scenario began to change. First, he was falling off a cliff, now breathing, just to start screaming again. When he was inches away from the ground, he closed his eyes, waiting for the impact, but it never happened.

He started floating as if the gravity was out. He opened his eyes and saw himself in outer space, facing the Earth. The view was incredible, and though it was nothing he wasn't already used to, he was always amazed by the planet's majesty. And he could breathe. That was good, once he assumed that his burning throat meant that River had already given him the antidote, which meant he didn't have to die.

He was still in great pain, but it was bearable now. All he had to do was stay calm until the effects kick in, and the beautiful view and the silence were really helping. But it was taking longer than he thought it would, and patience wasn't really his virtue. He still didn't know how to control the dream to make time go by faster, and he decided to try something. He focused as hard as he could without worsening his headache, and when he looked around, Amy was right next to him, now all grown up.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" She asked, looking at the planet with tenderness. "Me and Rory..." She said, pointing at a spot in Europe and taking The Doctor's hand. "We're right there."

They remained silent for a moment, just holding hands and contemplating the planet.

"We miss you. I miss you." She said, looking at him.

"You're just saying that because I want you to. Because you're inside my head."

"But you know it's true. I waited so long for you, do you really think I would forget you so fast? Five different therapists couldn't make me let go of you when I was a kid. You are my best friend. And you always will be."

The Doctor' sight started to get blurry. "You're waking up now." She said, letting go of his hand. "Say hi to my daughter for me, would you?" And everything turned black.

When he woke up, he wasn't tied to a chair anymore. He was laying on his bed, in one of the many rooms inside the TARDIS, with River sleeping in a chair next to him, holding his hand. He stood up, barely feeling any pain now, picked her up and put her in his bed, covering her with blankets. He kissed her in the forehead and whispered a soft "thank you". He couldn't even imagine everything she had done for him, and couldn't help but think that her day would soon come, and it would be because of him. River would die saving him. But he was glad that, in that moment and place, she was right next to him. And that was everything he needed to remain sane.


End file.
